Brian's Play: An Alternate Universe Retelling
by LDEJRuff
Summary: In this side story to the Brian and Vinny series, we travel to a time in the rewritten universe before New Brian died. After watching Brian's play, A Passing Fancy, Stewie decides to write a play as well, and Brian fears that it may shake his confidence when he reads it. Sort of like a retelling of FG1110 - "Brian's Play", isn't it?
1. Chapter 1

_Brian's Play: An Alternate Universe Retelling_

by LDEJRuff

Chapter 1 - Opening Night

* * *

Our story begins in the rewritten universe Bertram made. But enough about _him_. Let's talk about the story. We actually begin in the exterior of the Quahog Playhouse. Brian, who was one of Leo's dogs at the time in this universe, was presenting the play he had just written, _A Passing Fancy_. Before he could submit the play, his friend, Vinny, proofread it so that he wouldn't commit plagiarism.

Anyway, getting back to the story, it was opening night for _A Passing Fancy_. Brian's original family, the Griffins, and their current dog, New Brian, were all dressed up for the event.

"Wow," Meg began, "I'm so excited for Brian."

"Remember, kids," Lois reminded Meg and Chris, "if it's terrible, at the end, we all say, 'You did it'."

She was carrying Stewie.

"I can't believe we're going to the theater the same day Chris drowned a mouse in a puddle," Stewie regarded. "I mean, don't we need a day to clear our heads?"

"I know what can clear _my_ head, Stewie," New Brian replied. "A cool refreshing drink of water to get rid of the dehydration."

 **Cutaway:** We see New Brian in the living room drinking a glass of water, and putting the glass on top of a coaster on the lamp post.

"Ah," he whispered, "there's nothing like a drink of water after feeling dehydrated."

Back to the family. Stewie regarded New Brian with a raised eyebrow.

"Wow," Stewie said. "You really do suck at cutaways, don't you?"

New Brian chuckled. "I'll get better, Stewie."

"Wow, what a turnout," Lois said, looking at the crowd ahead of the family, anxious to see _A Passing Fancy_. Then, she noticed, "Oh, hey, there's Glenn!"

Glenn Quagmire was all ready to see Brian's play, and the Hispanic maid, Consuela, was with him. As always, New Brian regarded Glenn.

"Hey, guys," Glenn greeted. "Hey, this is my date, Consuela."

"No, no, no," Consuela replied.

"Okay, we're here as friends," Glenn corrected, "but I'm gonna change your mind one day."

Outside the crowd, the Griffins' elderly perverted neighbor, Mr. John Herbert, was aided by a few young boys who pulled his vehicle and were running out of breath. One of the boys, a blonde-haired boy named Spencer, was still kicking.

"Whoa, easy there, Spencer," Mr. Herbert calmed, giving him a sugar cube. "Now behave yourself, and there will be a withered carrot for you later."

* * *

The Griffins got inside the playhouse after showing their tickets to the box office.

"Oh, I'm so proud of Brian," Lois began. "It's hard to believe he's the same dog who barked at a pineapple for four hours."

Stewie peered at his mother's purse.

"Close your purse, I can see your tampons," he said. "And why do you need six? What happens to you?"

The play's author, the family's former dog, Brian, approached them.

"Hey, Brian," New Brian greeted. "It's good to see you again. You know, I'm always looking for new material for some songs I'm writing, and this play of yours may inspire me."

"Hey, New Brian," Brian greeted back. "Hey, guys," he continued, greeting the rest of the family. "Thanks for coming."

"Big night, Brian," Lois replied. "How you feeling?"

"Well, a little nervous," Brian answered. "I just want it to go well. Fingers crossed."

"Will there be an intermission?" Peter asked. "Because that will determine whether or not I bring this empty Gatorade bottle into the theater."

"I'm glad you guys could come," Brian replied. "It's been a while since I've seen my former family. I just got to make sure my current family is doing okay. They just came in here a few minutes ago, and I believe they're on the balcony. I'll have you guys meet 'em some time."

With that, he walked away as the lights were starting to dim. The family then took notice.

"Oh, the play's about to start," Lois said before the family was about to go into the theater.

"Mom," Chris began, "am I going to fit in the seat or is this going to be like last time?"

"Oh, boy," Stewie sighed. "Chris is about to set up another cutaway. We can just ignore it and just enjoy the play."

* * *

Up on the balcony, Brian's current owner, Leo, and Vinny were sitting in front. They, too, were dressed up to see the play, and noticed Brian coming up.

"Hey, Brian," Vinny greeted.

"Hey, guys," Brian greeted back. "And Vinny, thanks again for proofreading the play for me. If it weren't for you, this opening night never would have been."

"Sure," Vinny replied.

* * *

The Griffins have taken their seats. Stewie and New Brian were looking at their programs.

"Let's see," Stewie sighed, "who's in this thing? Sad...Nobody...Sad...Sad...Nobody...Victor Garber?" He was pretty impressed. "That's pretty good. How did he get Victor...?" He then noticed a piece of paper falling out of his program as he turned the page. "Oh, of course," he continued, reading the paper. "Tonight, it's Randall Even Battencourt."

"Randall Even Battencourt?" New Brian repeated. "The understudy actor who sounds very much like me?"

"Yep," Stewie answered.

"Boy," New Brian whispered, "that writer actor of mine sure has a way with talent. He has good vocal range."

 **Cutaway:** In a bit of live action footage, we see _Family Guy_ writer and actor John Viener, who voices New Brian, typing on a laptop, and viewing the camera.

"Hey, New Brian," John began, "thanks for the compliment. I appreciate it."

* * *

 **Note from the Author:** Hey, LDE here. This fanfic is sort of like a side story to the _Brian and Vinny_ fanfic series, and it takes place between the time gap of Stewie's story in _The Orb of Time - Part II: Remember_. I hope you like it.


	2. Chapter 2

_Brian's Play: An Alternate Universe Retelling_

by LDEJRuff

Chapter 2 - The Review

* * *

The play was at its climax. Grant, the lead male role played by Randall since Victor was unavailable, was crying on the couch. The lead female character, Donna, played by Harriet Lowe, was leaving Grant, due to the success of his play going to his head.

"Donna, don't go!" Randal pleaded. "It's not too late. We can still start our family."

Harriet replied, "Don't you see? You already _have_ a family. It's right there."

She was referring to the trophies Grant won. The audience was in awed sadness.

"Those won't keep you warm at night," sailor Seamus Levine said quietly.

Harriet opened the door. "Goodbye, Grant," she said. "It's funny, isn't it? All these years, _I_ was the passing fancy."

She walked out, closing the door behind her. The play ended with Randall hanging his head. As the curtain closed, the audience applauded. Everyone, including the Griffins, was amazed. Some have cried tears of joy, including Consuela, who sprayed Lemon Pledge on _her_ tears before wiping them.

The curtains opened to show both Randall and Harriet, who then took a bow and presented Brian. The happy dog bowed as well, and wagged his tail.

On the balcony, Leo and Vinny were among those who applauded.

"Good work, Brian," Vinny whispered. "Even though my small part in helping out is uncredited, I still appreciate it."

* * *

The following morning, at the Griffin house, as the family was having breakfast, New Brian read the newspaper. The headline referred to _A Passing Fancy_ being a big hit.

"Here's hoping _A Passing Fancy_ is actually a  staying fancy," he read. "The highest praise goes to canine playwright Brian for his hilarious and insightful look into modern-day relationships. If you see only one play as an adult, I urge you to see _this_ one."

"This is amazing," Lois said. "Brian's a hit!"

"Yeah," New Brian agreed. "I wonder how he feels about it. I bet he'll feel overwhelmed about people respecting his writing."

" _I_ want to write a play!" said Stewie.

New Brian chuckled. "That's cute, Stewie. Maybe someday."

"No, I'm _gonna_ write a play, N.B.," Stewie replied. "I can do lots of things. I can even become a toy manufacturer for Santa Claus."

 **Cutaway:** We see Stewie dressed up as an elf building a toy. Santa comes in looking impressed at Stewie's actions.

"Ho-ho-ho!" Santa chuckled. "I can see a bright future for _you_ , young fella."

"Thanks, Santa," Stewie replied.

* * *

At the tiny apartment, during breakfast, Brian, too, has read the review in the newspaper.

"Wow," Brian said, overwhelmed. "People appreciating and respecting my writing? This is all I ever wanted." Brian then turned his attention to Vinny. "Hey, Vin, are you sure you're not gonna take a _small_ amount of credit for this? I could refer you to my cousin."

"Nah," Vinny replied. "I don't think I can take the creds for proofreading another person's work, B. I think it's best if I stayed an anon."

"This is incredible, Brian," Leo said. "Your play's a big hit! It will probably make us more money than we would ever dream of."

"Thanks, Leo," Brian replied. "This success will make me busy to make appearances and interviews for the week, like at the Clam."


	3. Chapter 3

_Brian's Play: An Alternate Universe Retelling_

by LDEJRuff

Chapter 3 - Interview and Another Play

* * *

A few days later, back at the Griffin house, Stewie was sitting on the couch with his dolls and some pieces of paper piled up into a book. New Brian approached his friend with his laptop.

"Hey, Stewie," New Brian greeted. "What are you doing?"

"Oh," Stewie began, "I'm rehearsing my new play, New Brian. Want to hear it?"

"Oh," New Brian replied, "you actually wrote a little play, like you said you would the other day. Sure, I'll listen while I start writing a new song for my upcoming concert."

"Really, you have a concert?" asked Stewie.

New Brian answered, "Of course. As I said to Brian on opening night for _A Passing Fancy_ , this new song is inspired from my watching the play. It could be even greater than _I Like Farts_."

"The song you wrote about what you like?"

"Yeah," New Brian replied. "Maybe tonight, if you like, you can show Brian that new play of yours after his interview at the Drunken Clam."

"Really?" Stewie began. "Brian has an interview tonight? Well, maybe there's _another_ way to show it to him if he's _too_ busy. I guess it wouldn't hurt if you took me there just in case."

* * *

Later that night, at the Clam, Brian, all dressed up, was having a Disaronno with his fans, including Seamus and a blonde woman named Allison.

"The American play was dying," Brian began. "Have-have we brought it back to life here? I can't say _that,_ but it has a pulse."

"You're such an amazing writer, Brian," said Allison. "How do you do it? What's your process?"

"Oh, God, Allison, how do I even answer that?" Brian began. "Uh, I mean, what's a rainbow's process? Two parts rain, one part sun, one part childlike wonder. What we _do_ know, though, is that the end result in _both_ cases is joy."

Brian's fans applauded him as he took a sip of the remains of his Disaronno.

"Wow," Seamus said to himself. "Wow, are you glad you left the lighthouse now, Seamus? Oh, I think so, Seamus!"

At another table, Stewie and New Brian looked at Brian's table.

"Hmmm," Stewie began. "I think he _is_ a little too busy, New Brian. I mean those fans of his are squeezing every last drop they can out of him, like a ketchup bottle."

 **Cutaway:** At a restaurant, a woman was busy trying to get ketchup out of a bottle for her burger.

"Listen, we've been at this for fifteen minutes," the bottle said. "I don't think anything's coming out."

"I'm fine," the woman replied. "I can keep going."

"I'm just really tired."

"What if I stick my finger in your hole?"

"Eh, that only works when I'm already close."

Back to the table.

"Well," New Brian began, martini in hand, "I think it's best to go ahead with Plan B."

Stewie sighed. "I guess you're right, New Brian."

* * *

As soon as Brian got back to the apartment, Vinny greeted him.

"Hey, Brian."

"Hey, Vinny," Brian greeted back.

"While you were gone," Vinny began, "your laptop dinged. I think you got an email from someone."

Brian pulled up his laptop and read the e-mail. It was a link to a play written by someone named Tony Dovolani. This play was called _An American Marriage_. Brian clicked the link and began reading it. As he did, his smile slowly changed to shock and complete nervousness. As soon as he finished, he appeared to shout in grief, but actually didn't, and closed his laptop.

"My God," Brian whispered. "It's miraculous." Second-long silence. "****!"

"Hmmm," Vinny began, wondering. "I can tell that you may be a bit jealous."

"How can you tell, Vin?" Brian asked.

"Oh, just some animal instincts."


	4. Chapter 4

_Brian's Play: An Alternate Universe Retelling_

by LDEJRuff

Chapter 4 - Online Chat, and an Invite

* * *

The next day, outside the apartment building, Brian began video chatting with his gay cousin, Jasper.

"Hey, Jasper," Brian began, "how are you?"

"Hey, Brian!" Jasper greeted back. "Congratulations on your new play."

"Oh, thanks."

"What's wrong?" Jasper wondered. "You look awful. What happened?"

"I read a play written by someone named Tony Dovolani," Brian answered, "and it was brilliant. Jasper, I've never read anything like it in my life. It was insightful, and fresh, and intelligent. It's like this play is mocking me."

"Ugh," Jasper repulsed, "that's how I feel whenever I see Brad Goreski on Bravo. God, everyone's on Bravo but me. Anyway, Brian, if I were you, I'd give this play a bad review."

"Well," Brian sighed, "even though I haven't met the author, I guess I should give it a shot. I mean, it's not like last week when Leo gave me and Vinny those itchy sweaters to wear."

 **Cutaway:** We see Brian and Vinny trying to scratch their backs while wearing the aforementioned sweaters.

"My god, Brian," Vinny said. "This is something we never should have agreed on."

"Yeah, Vin," Brian agreed, "but we can't let Leo know we don't like these sweaters. It'll break his heart."

Back to Brian and the laptop. Leo and Vinny were preparing for their walk, and were walking to Brian.

"Hey, Brian," Vinny greeted. "Good morning, Jasper."

"Hey, Vinny," Jasper greeted back.

"Hey," Vinny began, "Leo's taking me for a walk. Wanna join, Brian?"

"No, thank you, Vinny," Brian smiled, shaking his head. "I'm just gonna sit here and chat. See you later, guys."

"Okay," Vinny replied. "Take care while we're away."

With that, Leo and Vinny walked off, leaving Brian to continue his online chat.

"Listen, Jasper," Brian began, "I gotta go. I'm gonna have a talk with Stewie about this play."

"Very well, B," Jasper replied. "Tell him I said hi."

With that, Brian ended the conversation with Jasper and began his chat with Stewie.

"Hey, Stewie," Brian greeted. "How are things back home?"

"Hey, Brian," Stewie greeted back. "Everything's going fine."

"Thanks. Anyway, have you read this new play written by a guy named Tony Dovolani, called _An American Marriage_?"

"I have," Stewie answered.

"Well, I think it's not that good."

Pause.

"Oh," Stewie replied, a bit disappointed. "Well, compared to your play, I think it's pretty good."

"Wait," Brian halted. "What do you mean, compared to my play?"

"Well," Stewie began, "to be quite honest with you, Brian, your play's a mediocre patchwork of hackneyed ideas and tired cliches. Do you have any idea how hard it was to sit in the theater with all those braying hyenas?"

"Mediocre patchwork of hackneyed ideas and tired cliches?" Brian repeated. "I don't think you should be talking about my play like that. I've been working so hard on it, and I have a friend who lives in the apartment I'm in who proofread it for me."

"Well, still, Brian, your play's filled with puns and terrible double entendres."

"But Stewie," Brian shrugged, "I'd rather not be remembered for mediocrity."

"Let me give some advice, Brian," Stewie offered. "Next time, if you want to write something, write from your own voice."

"What do you mean?"

"To put quite simple, a writer needs a voice. And since your play panders to the lowest common denominator, I pretty much doubt _you_ have a voice. I mean, it doesn't do well."

"But, Stewie..."

"Just think about what I said, Brian," Stewie replied. "We'll keep in touch someday. I'll tell New Brian I said hi for you."

"Oh, before you hang up, Stewie," Brian halted, "Jasper said hi."

Pause.

"Oh. Well, give him my regards."

With that, Stewie ended the conversation. Brian sat blank-faced.

" _Stewie doesn't think my play's good?_ " he thought. " _This is a twist_ _I_ _didn't expect._ "

* * *

That night at the Quahog Playhouse, during another performance of _A Passing Fancy_ , Brian stood worried and out of sight looking at the opening scene when New Brian walked to him.

"Hey, Brian," New Brian greeted, getting his attention. "Looks like your play's doing well."

"New Brian?" Brian began. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"Oh," New Brian began, "I just wanted to share some good news to you about _An American Marriage_. Tony e-mailed me, telling me that it's going to be produced on Broadway, and that the New York Theater League is throwing a welcome dinner in his honor tomorrow night."

"Wait," Brian halted. "You're Tony's pen pal?"

"Mmm-hmm," New Brian nodded. "And he wanted me to invite you for him."

"I don't know, New Brian," Brian shrugged. "I'm pretty much booked."

"I think the theater will be better off without you for just one night, Brian," New Brian continued. "Besides, all the most important Broadway people will be there. Playwrights, money men, even Stanley Kowalski."

 **Cutaway:** We are at a party, where two people have a chat with the aforementioned character from _A Streetcar Named Desire_.

"Hi," the first person greeted. "I'm Michael."

"MICHAEL!" Mr. Kowalski shouted. "MICHAEL!"

"Um, and this is my wife, Nancy," Michael introduced.

"NANCY!" Mr. Kowalski shouted. "NANCY!"

"And this is our Uzbekistani friend, Bokyavroychesku," Michael introduced another man to Mr. Kowalski.

With a name hard to pronounce, Mr. Kowalski simply said, "Hi."

Back to the stage.

"Well, I guess I can clear my schedule," Brian whispered. "Anything else?"

"Yep," New Brian replied. "I'm here to let Randal know that he's needed."

The understudy actor took notice.

"Hey, you must be New Brian," Randal greeted the gray dog. "I'll be right there. I just got to finish this crap."

 **Cutaway:** John Viener, again using his laptop, looked at the camera, a bit surprised.

"Wow," John said. "They _do_ sound a lot alike."


	5. Chapter 5

_Brian's Play: An Alternate Universe Retelling_

by LDEJRuff

Chapter 5 - The Big Apple

* * *

The next day, Brian had finished getting dressed for the dinner in New York. Vinny took notice while coming into the bathroom.

"Hey, Brian," he began, "lookin' real nice. What's going on tonight?"

"Oh, I'm invited to attend a dinner for Tony Dovolani," Brian replied. "The New York Theater League is honoring him tonight, and a lot of playwrights are going to be there."

Pause.

"Oh. Well, you be careful on the way, B."

"Thank you, Vinny," Brian replied. "You and Leo take care of yourselves."

"What could possibly go wrong without you for one night?" Vinny shrugged.

* * *

Brian had arrived at the Whitehall building, where the dinner was held. Upon arrival, the first thing on Brian's mind was to greet Tony, but while he was looking for him, who he found wearing a purple dress shirt, a fake beard and a hat was...

"Stewie?" He wondered. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"Hey, Brian," Stewie greeted. "Fancy party, isn't it? By the way, New Brian dropped me off. He's currently holding a concert."

"That's nice, Stewie," Brian began, "but you can't just come into a party for Tony Dovolani uninvited."

"Well, Brian," Stewie replied, "if you're here to greet Tony Dovolani, then look no further."

"Wait," Brian realized. "Stewie, are you saying that _you're_ Tony Dovolani?"

"Yes," Stewie answered, "it's my pseudonym."

"I thought your pseudonym was 'Gorgeous Randy Flamethrower'."

"That's the pseudonym I use while playing dodgeball."

Suddenly, a voice got their attention.

"Hey, Tony!"

"Oh, my god," Brian whispered. "It's David Mamet."

The Pulitzer-winning playwright and Tony nominee for _Glengarry Glen Ross_ and _Speed-the-Plow_ approached the two.

"There's the man of the evening," said David. "I read your play, _An American Marriage_ ; it was incredibly raw. I was pretty damn impressed."

"Oh, thank you, David," Stewie replied before introducing Brian to him. "David, this is Brian. Brian, David."

"Oh, it's an honor," Brian said, overwhelmed. "Listen, I just want to say what an inspiration _Glengarry Glen Ross_ was to me when I was writing my own play."

"Easy," Stewie regarded.

Coming into the room were British playwright, actor and author Alan Bennett and French playwright, actress, novelist and Pulitzer winner Yasmina Reza.

"Is that Tony Dovolani?" Alan noticed. "Hello. Alan Bennett. Fantastic play."

"And I'm Yasmina Reza," Yasmina added.

"Oh," Stewie said. "Are you his night nurse?"

"No, I'm a playwright," replied Yasmina. "I wrote _Art_ and _God of Carnage_. I won a Pulitzer."

"You want to say your grade point average, too?"

"Boy, it's just so weird to be in a room where every single person in the room is a playwright," said Brian to the playwrights. "Every single one of us...Everyone, including me...I'm a playwright."

"Brian," Stewie regarded, whispering, "my God, take it down a notch."

"You're a playwright?" asked Alan. "In New York?"

"Well, Quahog, Rhode Island," Brian replied.

Yasmina looked rather impressed. "You're kidding. We just went and saw a play in Quahog, Rhode Island."

"Really?" Brian asked, smiling.

"Have you ever heard of _A Passing Fancy_?" Alan asked Brian.

"I have!" Brian answered, tail wagging.

"Oh, my God, what a load of rubbish," Alan scoffed. "We have this thing where we go to the worst regional theater we can find and laugh ourselves sick."

"And this one took the grand prize," Yasmina added, referring to the Quahog Playhouse.

With that, David, Alan and Yasmina laughed. Brian was emotionally hurt by this.

"Really?" he said. "I...I had heard only good things."

David shouted, "It was a ******* ******* piece of **** on a ****!"

Again, David, Alan and Yasmina laughed while Brian walked away, crushed.

"Oh, my God," said Stewie. "I got to hear David Mamet curse in person."

* * *

On the TKTS red stairs, Brian was sitting, depressed and drinking his scotch. New Brian had found him.

"Hey, Brian," he greeted. "What's wrong?"

"That was the worst night of my life," Brian said, voice shaking. "New Brian, how could you hide the fact that Stewie was Tony all along?"

"You just figured it out, huh?" New Brian replied. "Don't get _too_ disappointed about it, Bri."

"Look, New Brian," Brian began. "I was happy until I read his play. I finally had some kind of success as a writer. It wasn't big, but it was _mine._ I was fine being an okay writer, until I discovered that my friend was a brilliant one. I know we don't talk about doggy years a lot, but I...I just wish he could have waited to find out how talented he was until I was gone. He'll have seventy more years to be great. I just wish I could have had five to be good."

"Stewie must have given you that 'write from your own voice' speech, huh?" New Brian replied. "Well, there it is. It's depressing, but it's _your_ voice. Write from that."

Nearby, Stewie was watching the two dogs talk to each other. He couldn't help but feel sorry for Brian.

* * *

Later that night, after the opening for _An American Marriage_ at the Shubert Theatre, many viewers left disappointed. Among them were Brian and New Brian, who stood puzzled. Stewie was the last to leave Shubert.

"I don't understand," Brian shrugged.

"Me, neither," New Brian added.

"Stewie, what happened to the play you wrote?" Brian asked. "That was terrible."

"Well, I gave it a final polish," Stewie answered. "Changed a few things. Guess I kind of mucked the whole thing up."

"But how? You..." Brian suddenly realized. "Wait. Did you do that for me?"

"What are you talking about? I'm a young writer. I just wasn't as ready as I thought I was. Maybe in a couple of years, who knows?"

"Stewie," Brian began. "You shouldn't have done that. But thanks."

"No problem, Brian," Stewie replied.

With that, Brian gave Stewie a hug.

"New Brian," Brian began, his attention turned to the gray dog, "you have a good friend."

"Thanks, Brian," New Brian replied, then he called to Stewie. "Come on, Stewie. Let's go home."

Brian then let go of Stewie and allowed him and New Brian to go their own way to Quahog.

"See you soon, Brian," Stewie said.

"Right back at you, buddy," Brian replied.

As Brian walked to his Prius and drove off, Stewie began walking with New Brian.

"You know, I'm going to move to New York City when I'm older," he said, "'cause it's twinkly and big, and this is where dreams come true."

New Brian chuckled. "Maybe someday, Stewie."

With that, Stewie hopped into New Brian's car, New Brian started it, and they began their way back to Quahog.

* * *

The End


End file.
